Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Day 17- A New Day
I thought I would post my day 17 journal early today. I am almost caught up on typing the handwritten journals, and have been able to write direct onto the blog the last 3 days. Small victories add up!
The negativity consuming my thoughts at bedtime soon transformed into nightmares followed by guilt from blogging that negativity out into the universe.
I started to delete it, but I remembered I am only human. Certainly not a perfect human. If my ability to be candid about my withdrawal process is thwarted by insecurities, it feels like a pointless gesture to share.
I woke up bright and early! As my alarm began to beep at 8:00am, (early for me) I heard the voice of my sweet housemate calling out for me to get up. I left my house for a nice long walk, and the fresh air did me wonders.
As much as I detest getting up early to walk, it's nice to start the day with a victory. The air cleared my thoughts and I refocused my Suboxone tapering goals. Bringing it back to simple terms worked for me today.
I only have to worry about now. At lunch time I can worry about lunch time, and tonight I can worry about tonight. Worrying about tomorrow accomplishes one thing- putting me in a mindset to give up. If I wake up tomorrow, I can worry at that time.
I have gone from 2 8mg pills a day to half of an 8mg pill a day.
Thats a 14mg decrease! I have something to be proud of, and I've decided to allow myself to feel good about that for a moment.
I am TERRIFIED of the next step because that step means this journey is almost over and I have not lived opiate free in a very very long time.
We shall see where I am at the end of today. For anyone reading this who is thinking about quitting opiates. Take that first step! That's all you need. We don't even have to worry about what comes next just yet.