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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Day 17- A New Day

I thought I would post my day 17 journal early today. I am almost caught up on typing the handwritten journals, and have been able to write direct onto the blog the last 3 days. Small victories add up!

The negativity consuming my thoughts at bedtime soon transformed into nightmares followed by guilt from blogging that negativity out into the universe. 

I started to delete it, but I remembered I am only human. Certainly not a perfect human. If my ability to be candid about my withdrawal process is thwarted by insecurities, it feels like a pointless gesture to share.  

I woke up bright and early! As my alarm began to beep at 8:00am, (early for me) I heard the voice of my sweet housemate calling out for me to get up. I left my house for a nice long walk, and the fresh air did me wonders. 

As much as I detest getting up early to walk, it's nice to start the day with a victory. The air cleared my thoughts and I refocused my Suboxone tapering goals. Bringing it back to simple terms worked for me today. 

I only have to worry about now. At lunch time I can worry about lunch time, and tonight I can worry about tonight. Worrying about tomorrow accomplishes one thing- putting me in a mindset to give up. If I wake up tomorrow, I can worry at that time. 

I have gone from 2 8mg pills a day to half of an 8mg pill a day. 
Thats a 14mg decrease! I have something to be proud of, and I've decided to allow myself to feel good about that for a moment. 

I am TERRIFIED of the next step because that step means this journey is almost over and I have not lived opiate free in a very very long time. 

We shall see where I am at the end of today. For anyone reading this who is thinking about quitting opiates. Take that first step! That's all you need. We don't even have to worry about what comes next just yet.  

2 comments:

  1. Hello J Sounds like you have a plan. Just remember to keep it a plan (simple) and not let it grow to an obsession.
    What you are doing is Great!! But Be Careful.. Buprenorphine has a very long halflife. To rid 1, 2mg dose from your system and not detectable is around 5 full days. That's 1 pill, strip not even to a therapeutic level or constant as what the docs are trying to achieve...just one. Then you have to take your liver into account. Bupe is extremely hard own our livers. So if it's not functioning close to right, it causes bupe to back up in the liver making it even more difficult to rid yourself of it.
    I am by no means trying to deter you at all, and end the end you will be fine... Guess I wrote that for me to hear...lol probally so! Anyway, I have nothing but good things to say about bupe or naloxone which doesn't do anything when you take it orally,,,just when its shot and then...no need to go there....not fun. Suboxone saved my life once. Nothing else would or could work on me during one especially dark time. It is a miracle drug when used correctly...I am a junkie...I can't use anything correctly.. but it did what it was suppose to do.

    Jerry

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  2. Wow I certainly understand your comment. This isn't my first go-round. Really putting my heart and soul in it this time, and attempting to do it differently. How long did it take u to get off it?

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