Friday, May 9, 2014

Day 39: Knowledge Without Action Doesn't Do Alot

First off, I'd like to clarify the importance I hold in blogging these little details. I try to be candid and genuine about the good and the bad. Recognizing the bad opens up my eyes to reasons I may have relapsed in the past. I am able to sort out my strengths and weaknesses. 

Addiction is a dirty, sneaky, tricky lil demon who will continue to tell you that you will fail until you shut him up! 'A Naughty Child' was the phrase one person used. 

Posting the negatives gives me a sort of clarity that I don't get by keeping my fears bottled up. 

I learn more from other addicts and their stories, journeys, and truths than I have from any professional. Maybe I should phrase that by saying I learn different things from addicts than things I learn from professionals. Both are useful!

Today was a lazier day than usual. I am still not able to sleep much. I think I fell asleep as the sun was coming up this morning. At least I get a couple hours. Between the withdrawals and the flood of feelings I've been numbing for 2 years my brain operates on overload all night.

It is nice to know that there are people who really do care enough to spare a kind word or a helpful suggestion. It feels very needy to be focusing on my recovery so much, and I do not like that.

I try to remember that for 21 years I have been dealing with pain in unhealthy ways. That is 2 decades of beating myself up and trying to cope. I can donate a month or two to try to change that. If I look at it from that perspective it chills me out a little. 

During the bad days I seem to put off a lot of things I need to be doing. Exercise, reading, praying, working in my decision book, listening to my hypnosis CD's etc.  

We can have all the knowledge in the world about what we need to do, but it is a total waste if we don't practice what we know will help. 

Seems like a simple concept. Putting it into motion in the midst of recovery...not so simple. Nevertheless I am glad I recognized that, and have tried to change that today. 

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)


  1. I apologize for not coming to your blog sooner. I haven't posted on my blog about my son for a couple of months. But, today, being Mother's Day I wrote about my son's sixth week of sobriety from suboxone. Don't get me wrong! Suboxone saved my son's life, and he used it for almost two years. At last, he has made that decision to get off suboxone. It wasn't easy, but he's doing it. Please feel free to email me at and maybe I can connect my son with you to encourage one another.
    You mentioned a few things that are common with my son. Now that he is free from suboxone, I'm seeing a weight gain. My son is very tall and very underweight. He is making himself exercise by working out on the recumbent bike and lifting weights. He's drinking protein powder, and starting to eat a lot more food. He has difficulty sleeping, too. He says the restless leg syndrome gets to him, once in a while. Overall, he is doing great. The first two weeks were rough for him, for sure. My son hangs out on suboxone talk zone, link in my blog.
    I'll try to follow your progress. May God bless you with strength and encouragement as you make that commitment to be set free of the bonds of addiction. You posted one of my favorite scriptures. That one was close to my heart, when my son was struggling with getting clean. God had mercy on him, and he's free.
    Blessings, Debby

  2. Debby, I can't thank you enough for your comments. I have had a very hard few days. I am going to update my blog in a moment as to how I am doing, not so great, and I would love to be in contact with your son. I am going to read your blog shortly. Many many many thx for your words. -J