Addiction is a dirty, sneaky, tricky lil demon who will continue to tell you that you will fail until you shut him up! 'A Naughty Child' was the phrase one person used.
Posting the negatives gives me a sort of clarity that I don't get by keeping my fears bottled up.
I learn more from other addicts and their stories, journeys, and truths than I have from any professional. Maybe I should phrase that by saying I learn different things from addicts than things I learn from professionals. Both are useful!
Today was a lazier day than usual. I am still not able to sleep much. I think I fell asleep as the sun was coming up this morning. At least I get a couple hours. Between the withdrawals and the flood of feelings I've been numbing for 2 years my brain operates on overload all night.
It is nice to know that there are people who really do care enough to spare a kind word or a helpful suggestion. It feels very needy to be focusing on my recovery so much, and I do not like that.
I try to remember that for 21 years I have been dealing with pain in unhealthy ways. That is 2 decades of beating myself up and trying to cope. I can donate a month or two to try to change that. If I look at it from that perspective it chills me out a little.
During the bad days I seem to put off a lot of things I need to be doing. Exercise, reading, praying, working in my decision book, listening to my hypnosis CD's etc.
We can have all the knowledge in the world about what we need to do, but it is a total waste if we don't practice what we know will help.
Seems like a simple concept. Putting it into motion in the midst of recovery...not so simple. Nevertheless I am glad I recognized that, and have tried to change that today.