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Friday, May 23, 2014

Day 44: Self Control Means I Control Myself

I realize this is not in order. Slowly but surely I am putting up last weeks logs.

This morning I woke up very early. My weekend of slumber decided to kick me back out into the real world again. I'm not mad at it though. In fact I am happy that it possibly means I will fall asleep before 5am, and I can begin cycling back onto a semi normal schedule. 

As usual over the last week, my attitude sucked from the moment I opened my eyes. It is an irritating situation when you are such a grouch that you don't even want to deal with your own self. 
On the bright side, once you get to that point of utter stagnancy and annoyance, making a bold move seems more favorable than continuing along the road of blah. 

I am not sure if it was luck or chance or fate... you can call it what you want, but a necasary turning point took place for me today. My personal belief is that people have been praying for me on the many days I haven't been able to believe I am worth praying for myself. I woke up at an early 6:30am.

I planted myself on the carpet in my den and switched on the TV. What do ya know, the first thing that I hear on the channel happens to be an exact replica of what I am NOT doing right in my life.  If I wanted to be cliche and genericly untrue I could say that this surprised me, but in fact it is quite the opposite. I find the world is made up of all sorts of things that I cannot understand but somehow bring harmony and existence together in a way that 'fits' ito our individual paths. 

Simply put- we are given signs and secrets to help us navigate our future in a positive way. However we might not position ourselves in a way that we can accept or even hear what is loudly being projected right in front of us. 

Thank God for those times that we are!

If things in life were happening exactly the way that we wanted, everything lined up, financial burdens at ease, and relationships operating along in great way, how would I be acting today?

Would I wake up in a state of anger? Barely pulling my tired body out of bed.  Exerting almost all of my energy into erasing the permanent scowl morphed onto my face? 

Most likely I'd bounce up cheerfully and excited for the day. What trials and tribulations can I not conquer if things are how I want them? 

Why need faith on those days? I'd be sailing along with ease.

Here are the next things that came out of that TV and into my brain.

If I can learn how to do the right thing while I am hurting, then no devil in hell that can keep me from the palace. I have to learn to do what is right while I am hurting. To do what is right when right things are not happening to me. 

When I hurt I need to do what I'd do if everything in my life was going exactly the way I want it to.

When I am hurting I need to act how I would if I was not hurting at all. 

When I am really hurting it takes alot of discipline to do what is right.

Self control means we control ourself.

Excuse: I can't help it! YES I CAN!

Pain can rule my behavior.


Wow. Talk about preaching to the choir!

Here is an outline of what I got from the show I watched. 

1. When I am hurting do not counter attack and go wild.
~gonna do anything I wanna do
~gonna eat what I want
~gonna buy whatever I want
? How is that gonna get the get me to where I want? 

2. Do not withdrawal, isolate, sulk, have a pity party. Sit around and get depressed.
I can be pitiful and powerful but I can't be both at the same time. 
Someone else on this planet is hurting worse than me. (wow)

3. do not believe the lie that God is punishing me for something I have done in the past. 
Not the biz that God is in
God remembers our sin no more when we ask for forgiveness. 
It is a lie to say I cant get over my wrongs

4. do not blame God and get mad at him. 
My disappointments come from me not getting what I want. 

5. when i am hurting do not give up and think I have no way out. 

6. do not passivly accept injustice- fight it
when i am in the middle hurting sooo bad i need to do all the good i can do for as many peole as i can as often as i can. 
This is the best strategy to move forward!

Overcome evil with good.!!!!!
I am not gonna win with a bad attitude r hating everyone...being jealous...
Trust that my life can be good.
work good out of bad things

7. when i am hurting, keep my commitments. keep my word. do what i tell people i would do. I will in no way break my commitment. 
Do i wanna be one of those people who does not keep commitments. 
Honor. Get honor back.

What is honor.
Do what is right b/c it is right. 

Be a person of my word!!!!!!

Hang on to my integrity- it is in these times that build character

If I am hurting so bad i can't stand it and i keep my commitments I AM GROWING SPIRITUALY AND AFTER TODAY I AM ONE DAY CLOSER TO MY DREAMS.

I CANT GET FROM THE PIT TO THE PALACE WITHOUT GOING THRU THE MIDDLE.

HOW AM I GONNA ACT IN THE MIDDLE? (I haven't been doing great so far)

HOW I ACT IN THE MIDDLE PARTIALLY DETERMINES HOW I WILL GET THERE. and how fast!
anyone can do whats right when things are good, not many people can do whats right when things are horrible.

Bad days are ok but for the most part who do i wanna be?

I know that it has been hard to stay in a bad attitude since I have been mulling over these perspectives. Needless to say, today was a better day, and I believe I will have better days ahead.


~J

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