I suppose I should have expected a lot of change and redirecting my goals when I started this detox. (Mental note to those of you preparing to quit) I don't even think I can call it detox at this point anymore. I am all over the place in my addiction to opiates at this point.My goals constantly change and the changes are usually based on my present feelings or emotions. I did quite a bit of prep work physically, mentally, and got quite educated before I began this. It's amazing that even after 9 months of consistent daily habits, they break just that easy if we let them.
Please check out my post this morning on my Opiate Trap Blog.It is a check in after being absent from posting my daily experiences.
http://opiatetrap.blogspot.com/2014/07/does-it-really-matter.html
What is one to do when Suboxone Stopping becomes an entirely different thing? Do I continue to log about it. Maybe I should start a new blog?
Please share your thoughts here, and on the Opiate Trap Blog.
Peace ~J'Elle
Showing posts with label withdrawal symptoms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label withdrawal symptoms. Show all posts
Monday, July 28, 2014
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Day 35: Insomnia=Irrationality
The exhaustion must be getting to me. Friday I slept about 5 hours. Saturday 3 1/2 hours. It's Monday morning and I have not yet gone to sleep. I remember this happening during my past detoxes.
The nasty, creepy, crawly, feelings of bugs up and down my legs is one of the grossest feelings EVER.
I laid awake all night restless and sweating back and forth as if I had the flu. I did not think I'd make it to this morning. I have a doctor appointment at 2pm, so we shall see how that goes. (assuming I stay awake)
I was prepared to have insomnia at some point, but I predicted it would not come until I was completly off the meds. It must be these big jumps in dosage that I am taking. My dose on Saturday was around 3:30pm. My dose Sunday about 7pm, and about 1mg or less.
I held off as long as I could.
I am literally holding onto hope with my life today. I do not want to give up and give in because of insomnia. I am telling myself the rational explanation to why I feel so hopeless is the lack of sleep.
The nasty, creepy, crawly, feelings of bugs up and down my legs is one of the grossest feelings EVER.
I laid awake all night restless and sweating back and forth as if I had the flu. I did not think I'd make it to this morning. I have a doctor appointment at 2pm, so we shall see how that goes. (assuming I stay awake)
I was prepared to have insomnia at some point, but I predicted it would not come until I was completly off the meds. It must be these big jumps in dosage that I am taking. My dose on Saturday was around 3:30pm. My dose Sunday about 7pm, and about 1mg or less.
I held off as long as I could.
I am literally holding onto hope with my life today. I do not want to give up and give in because of insomnia. I am telling myself the rational explanation to why I feel so hopeless is the lack of sleep.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Gonna Vent NOT Use-Day 33
One of the things I dislike about myself is that when the going gets tough, I lose all motivation & stop doing the things I love.
This was a hard weekend. I could barely bring myself to move let alone write... Boo Hoo right?
I will be the first to say I'll never change unless I CHANGE!
I mustered up the effort to post my feelings on an incredible recovery forum I've been a part of. My post for day 33 will simply be the content from that thread.
Hope you enjoy!
ME: I am at the tail end of my Suboxone detox. Prolly only have a few days left.
I find on this Saturday night instead of leg cramps, depression and nausea, I'd prefer a needle or a pipe. No discrimination..I'll take whatever I can find.
This is my attempt to start changing my dirty habits.
I find that when I relapse it usually happens like this:
-have the thought of getting high
-obsess on it
-glorify it until I convince myself
-refuse to think of anything else except how to score until I do it
So, I know that in posting here I am forced to type it out which requires thinking about the millions of bad things instead of the one good thing. (the glorified 5 second good thing.)
For me, H has been the most difficult to put behind me. Thanks for letting mw vent. I think deep down I don't really want to.
Comment 1: No, DEEP down, You DON'T want to - it's just that crazy old mind song playing in the head again. But it's NOT you - can you see it play ? There's you watching it , hearing it, there's You and the old song playing- they're separate. Stay with the REAL you - find the quiet within, even for for a few seconds here and a few seconds there. Step out of the mind and find that quiet "space "within- rest there . Be at ease, breath.... It'll pass. Trust.
I rented pay per per view and watched Netflix all night.. since I am sleeping little to none right now.. Stayed clean.
This was a hard weekend. I could barely bring myself to move let alone write... Boo Hoo right?
I will be the first to say I'll never change unless I CHANGE!
I mustered up the effort to post my feelings on an incredible recovery forum I've been a part of. My post for day 33 will simply be the content from that thread.
Hope you enjoy!
ME: I am at the tail end of my Suboxone detox. Prolly only have a few days left.
I find on this Saturday night instead of leg cramps, depression and nausea, I'd prefer a needle or a pipe. No discrimination..I'll take whatever I can find.
This is my attempt to start changing my dirty habits.
I find that when I relapse it usually happens like this:
-have the thought of getting high
-obsess on it
-glorify it until I convince myself
-refuse to think of anything else except how to score until I do it
So, I know that in posting here I am forced to type it out which requires thinking about the millions of bad things instead of the one good thing. (the glorified 5 second good thing.)
For me, H has been the most difficult to put behind me. Thanks for letting mw vent. I think deep down I don't really want to.
Comment 1: No, DEEP down, You DON'T want to - it's just that crazy old mind song playing in the head again. But it's NOT you - can you see it play ? There's you watching it , hearing it, there's You and the old song playing- they're separate. Stay with the REAL you - find the quiet within, even for for a few seconds here and a few seconds there. Step out of the mind and find that quiet "space "within- rest there . Be at ease, breath.... It'll pass. Trust.
Comment 2: Type more than a couple paragraphs. Type out the whole story of your past using days. Do it in OneNote or somewhere if you don't want it online. You've got to remember how bad it really was instead of falling into the circular seeking behavior.
Comment 3:
Deep down you don't really want to
That's not you talking ........
That's not you talking ........
Comment 4: I am glad you posted this. My thought process was pretty much the exact same, but I never actually wrote it out. It is great that you have identified it so you can do something about it. How do you plan to battle the cravings and to stop it before it gets to number 4 on your list?
Comment 5: How about interrupt it at #1 ? It is the thought of using which is the signal to intervene. What are you feeling just before those thoughts come ? Are you feeling overwhelmed by something in your current situation ? Are you feeling trapped in some way ? Or helpless? I read that addiction is only a symptom of an unlying feeling of powerlessness/trapped helplessness and for long-term soberity to stick, you need to identify the real issues driving the need to escape. Do you feel any of these emotions,friend ? If so, what can you change to lessen those feelings? What empowering action(s) can you take?
My Response: - I am really scared of screwing up again is at the root of it. Been 12 or more years without going a week clean.. I always get sober and relapse. Some minutes I feel great like I can do it this time, next minute I am like wtf why am I trying.
I rented pay per per view and watched Netflix all night.. since I am sleeping little to none right now.. Stayed clean.
Comment 6: That's SO awesome - you rode it out and it passed !!! You should pat yourself on the bat - or at least do it for me ! Just take it one day at a time - that's enough. Don't worry about tomorrow - you never have to handle more than today. Forget the rest and when the mind story gets going , catch it and stop it. Keep reminding your mind that today is enough and try to see if you can find some ease in just staying present . It's a real challenge, I know, but it's a challenge that will help you on so many levels. And the more clean days you stack, the easier it'll be to do this and other other positive things. Just keep it simple - today is all you need to take care of. Keep moving forward,, Lady - you passed yesterday's test - you can pass today's!
To be honest, I have been lonely as hell during the last 2 years of using, and the longer I try to get sober the lonelier I get. I can imagine hell should be so isolating. I could count on one hand the people interested in what's up with me- and there was a day I had more friends than I knew what to do with. That's another topic though...hard for people to wanna be friends with a junkie loser.
Last night- those complete junkie and ex-junkie STRANGERS gave a crap enough to give me those no BS replies. I did not expect a response at all. I figured people would glance and roll through.
Amazing that in the world we live in where junkies are trash and the sober people are 'good', that an addict cares enough to rise up and help a total stranger day after day! It's amazing. It was amazing not to feel alone when I logged on and saw that people cared if I never logged on again...
I posted this on http://opiatetrap.blogspot.com as well. It is important to me that one person who is hopeless and alone might benefit from seeing that they can reach out. It is worth the post if even one person reaches out for help. I am only one person, and I lived through many nights where I was lucky to see the next morning. Seeing hope may have made a difference..?
I posted this on http://opiatetrap.blogspot.com as well. It is important to me that one person who is hopeless and alone might benefit from seeing that they can reach out. It is worth the post if even one person reaches out for help. I am only one person, and I lived through many nights where I was lucky to see the next morning. Seeing hope may have made a difference..?
Friday, May 2, 2014
Starting Day 32
Starting day 32 with exhaustion, restless legs, hope, and NOT my 1/8 of a pill. I have still been on 1/4 of a pill for the last few days, although I have broken that 1/4 into 2 different doses to help my body adjust a little easier.
The up all night insomnia most definitely made it's most prominent presence in this recovery so far. Luckily, a light day and some grace will ease me through a full day without Suboxone. I HOPE! In the back of my mind somewhere between doubtful and maybe...if I can go all day today, maybe that will turn into all day tomorrow too.
I already know I can do it for 24 hours, but never on this dose. The medicine I have built up continues to quickly flushing out and I can feel it physically.
As horrible as this is, I know without a shadow of a doubt it is one of he easiest detoxes in my life. It could be that this time is on my terms, not the county jail or anywhere else. Perhaps this is where my journey is supposed to be. Maybe this time will truly be different.
PS: If you haven't checked out opiatetrap.blogspot.com, you should.
The up all night insomnia most definitely made it's most prominent presence in this recovery so far. Luckily, a light day and some grace will ease me through a full day without Suboxone. I HOPE! In the back of my mind somewhere between doubtful and maybe...if I can go all day today, maybe that will turn into all day tomorrow too.
I already know I can do it for 24 hours, but never on this dose. The medicine I have built up continues to quickly flushing out and I can feel it physically.
As horrible as this is, I know without a shadow of a doubt it is one of he easiest detoxes in my life. It could be that this time is on my terms, not the county jail or anywhere else. Perhaps this is where my journey is supposed to be. Maybe this time will truly be different.
PS: If you haven't checked out opiatetrap.blogspot.com, you should.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
31 Days~ Really J'Elle??
"Really J'Elle?"
Boy do those two words go thru my head multiple times a day.
Picture yourself floating idly in the air. Unable to move from one spot, body tense on the inside and limp on the outside. One hand lifted forward in front of you as though you are reaching for something...almost able to touch it with your dainty fingertips. Paralyzed in fear that if you stretch your hand the teeny tiny last centimeter it needs to stretch in order to reach the object of your affection, that you might lose flight and fall to the ground. Your body shattering like glass into a million pieces from that last small movement. You also know that if you don't strive for that last reach, you might flail aimlessly forever, stuck and stoic.
Sobriety flirts in my reach. The object of my affection taunting and teasing me. The hopeful love that will be my happily ever after. If happily ever after existed.
In my dream state of semi-sobriety from my prescription air-bag, I am in shock. There is no where left to go except off of the pills. Despite all of the aches and pains this has been easier than I remember in my last couple of attempts to quit opiates.
Could I have found a way out of the opiate trap? "Are you REALLY doing this J'Elle?"
I took a 1/4 tab again this morning and have a half of a pill left. Day 31 of stopping Suboxone.
I believe with ALL my heart that if I can do this, anyone can. Dysfunctional, sabotaging everything good, relapse professional J'Elle; making a new life at 35 years old.
I guess we will see.
Boy do those two words go thru my head multiple times a day.
Picture yourself floating idly in the air. Unable to move from one spot, body tense on the inside and limp on the outside. One hand lifted forward in front of you as though you are reaching for something...almost able to touch it with your dainty fingertips. Paralyzed in fear that if you stretch your hand the teeny tiny last centimeter it needs to stretch in order to reach the object of your affection, that you might lose flight and fall to the ground. Your body shattering like glass into a million pieces from that last small movement. You also know that if you don't strive for that last reach, you might flail aimlessly forever, stuck and stoic.
Sobriety flirts in my reach. The object of my affection taunting and teasing me. The hopeful love that will be my happily ever after. If happily ever after existed.
In my dream state of semi-sobriety from my prescription air-bag, I am in shock. There is no where left to go except off of the pills. Despite all of the aches and pains this has been easier than I remember in my last couple of attempts to quit opiates.
Could I have found a way out of the opiate trap? "Are you REALLY doing this J'Elle?"
I took a 1/4 tab again this morning and have a half of a pill left. Day 31 of stopping Suboxone.
I believe with ALL my heart that if I can do this, anyone can. Dysfunctional, sabotaging everything good, relapse professional J'Elle; making a new life at 35 years old.
I guess we will see.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
30 Days!!!
I love that I am down to about 1/4 of a pill a day. There is of course, disappintment in not being cold turkey the last few ds. I am trying to look at it from the standpoint of aim high and if I miss it's alright. We can never dream too big.
The fact that I haven't given up or gone back to street dope is extremely exciting for me.
The fact that I haven't given up or gone back to street drugs is extremely terrifying for me.
My brain wages war between those two statements knowing that the nature of the beast is always to attack.
In this circumstance the beast is my addiction.
I am not without w/d symptoms. Restless legs are the most hated. Along with nausea and depression. These are my top 3. I am positive that preparation has been my ally for the past month. By that I mean physical and emotional preparation.
I wll outline more about how I have been doing this in a simplified manner for those of you who might want to detox.
thanks to my readers, (assuming I have one) and keep cheering me on and keeping me in your good thoughts please!
Don't forget to share with those in need.
~J'Elle
The fact that I haven't given up or gone back to street dope is extremely exciting for me.
The fact that I haven't given up or gone back to street drugs is extremely terrifying for me.
My brain wages war between those two statements knowing that the nature of the beast is always to attack.
In this circumstance the beast is my addiction.
I am not without w/d symptoms. Restless legs are the most hated. Along with nausea and depression. These are my top 3. I am positive that preparation has been my ally for the past month. By that I mean physical and emotional preparation.
I wll outline more about how I have been doing this in a simplified manner for those of you who might want to detox.
thanks to my readers, (assuming I have one) and keep cheering me on and keeping me in your good thoughts please!
Don't forget to share with those in need.
~J'Elle
Sunday, April 27, 2014
27th Day on This Train
Well, 27 days into my Suboxone taper and what a ride it has been. Experiencing every emotion that I can think of, it's most definitely a whirlwind!
Today I struggled more with the upset stomach, major depression, and the RLS was starting to get a bit nuts! (RLS=restless leg syndrome)
Here's how my day went:
12pm (ish): Forced self to sit in sun. Lasted about 3 minutes.
1:30pm: Picked up my guitar and jammed out some notes for about 5 minutes.
2pm: Friend called and took me to lunch and then Starbucks. Lifesaver!!!
4:30: Started freaking out & dragged myself on a 10 minute walk.
7pm: Picked up some Clonidine from the Pharmacy
8:30: Watched a movie / my Dad, took some Clonidine and a small piece of Suboxone. (appx .5mg) :-(
Single most motivating thing today: fellow ex-junkie asking me if I'd be able to get up and find energy for a free kilo that would be a 5 mile walk away. WOW! Talk about putting things into perspective. Mind over matter baby! That is SO much of it!
I am not going to be too hard on myself. I am in a good place at the moment. Tomorrow I will keep going. My motto right now is one day at a time. Hoping to go 48 hours with no Subs and then take it from there. Quite honestly, with al the crazy thoughts that ran through my head today, I am glad I did not pick up the phone and have a full blown stupid relapse. This is tough!!!! Not giving up yet. ~J'Elle
Today I struggled more with the upset stomach, major depression, and the RLS was starting to get a bit nuts! (RLS=restless leg syndrome)
Here's how my day went:
12pm (ish): Forced self to sit in sun. Lasted about 3 minutes.
1:30pm: Picked up my guitar and jammed out some notes for about 5 minutes.
2pm: Friend called and took me to lunch and then Starbucks. Lifesaver!!!
4:30: Started freaking out & dragged myself on a 10 minute walk.
7pm: Picked up some Clonidine from the Pharmacy
8:30: Watched a movie / my Dad, took some Clonidine and a small piece of Suboxone. (appx .5mg) :-(
Single most motivating thing today: fellow ex-junkie asking me if I'd be able to get up and find energy for a free kilo that would be a 5 mile walk away. WOW! Talk about putting things into perspective. Mind over matter baby! That is SO much of it!
I am not going to be too hard on myself. I am in a good place at the moment. Tomorrow I will keep going. My motto right now is one day at a time. Hoping to go 48 hours with no Subs and then take it from there. Quite honestly, with al the crazy thoughts that ran through my head today, I am glad I did not pick up the phone and have a full blown stupid relapse. This is tough!!!! Not giving up yet. ~J'Elle
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Day 21: Week 3 Officially Over
I AM PROUD TO SAY I HAVE STAYED ON THIS TRACK WITHOUT GIVING UP OR A RELAPSE FOR OFFICIALLY 3 WEEKS.
TOMORROW I SEE DR D AGAIN, AND I HOPE TO SET A PLAN IN PLACE THAT HAS ME OFF OF OPIATES IN 2 MORE WEEKS. I JUST CANT SEE PROLONGING THIS FOR MUCH LONGER. IF THE WORST IS STILL TO COME I WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH AND GET ON WITH MY LIFE.
A LONG WALK AND AN EVENING WITH FAMILY MADE THIS DAY BETTER.
TOMORROW I SEE DR D AGAIN, AND I HOPE TO SET A PLAN IN PLACE THAT HAS ME OFF OF OPIATES IN 2 MORE WEEKS. I JUST CANT SEE PROLONGING THIS FOR MUCH LONGER. IF THE WORST IS STILL TO COME I WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH AND GET ON WITH MY LIFE.
A LONG WALK AND AN EVENING WITH FAMILY MADE THIS DAY BETTER.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Day 20 Is Finally Over
I apologize in advance for the negativity in this post but I want to be honest.
Most of the day I was in a rotten mood. Although I do not get a 'high' feeling from taking Suboxone, it's clearly something. Not taking the usual amount is making me feel like I am void of any happiness. I know that if I took my full 2 pills then the bad mood wood most likely go away.
Not only is that irritating but a reminder that I HATE being a slave to opiates. It confuses me that I switch back and forth from I want to give up to I will keep on this track. If I am in the midst of being fully aware of what opiates are doing to me, you would think giving up would be the last thing on my mind.
I guess if anyone looks at my blog, then they will know I gave up when my posts stop. For now I'd like to keep going. After being halfway through the tapering process it seems a waste to quit. The scary part is knowing the horrible feeling I had today will increase as the Suboxone in body continues to decrease.
Day 21 is tomorrow. # weeks into my detox plan.
A reminder to share this blog with a loved one or through social media to help reach the addicts who need a first step!
Most of the day I was in a rotten mood. Although I do not get a 'high' feeling from taking Suboxone, it's clearly something. Not taking the usual amount is making me feel like I am void of any happiness. I know that if I took my full 2 pills then the bad mood wood most likely go away.
Not only is that irritating but a reminder that I HATE being a slave to opiates. It confuses me that I switch back and forth from I want to give up to I will keep on this track. If I am in the midst of being fully aware of what opiates are doing to me, you would think giving up would be the last thing on my mind.
I guess if anyone looks at my blog, then they will know I gave up when my posts stop. For now I'd like to keep going. After being halfway through the tapering process it seems a waste to quit. The scary part is knowing the horrible feeling I had today will increase as the Suboxone in body continues to decrease.
Day 21 is tomorrow. # weeks into my detox plan.
A reminder to share this blog with a loved one or through social media to help reach the addicts who need a first step!
Friday, April 18, 2014
Made It Thru Day 19
A bit hard to believe I will admit. I do not like the feeling ill, tired, under the weather and depressed so much. I do however like that all the 'pain' means I am getting through this ordeal. A little closer each day.
I did a 1/2 pill this afternoon, and a 1/4 in the early evening. So this week altered between 1/2 and 3/4.
I think the most difficult thing I go through is guilt. The guilt I feel over everything I have done, and that I need to do something like this to become a 'normal' person, really drags me down.
I guess it is what it is, and since I can't fix the past it doesn't do me much good to stay in guilt. Finding a way to work that out would most likely eliminate a lot of 'symptoms' I am having. Maybe?
I want to do this really quickly. I made the decision to get off Suboxone almost 3 weeks ago. Part of my addict behavior is to require that instant gratification. In this case the absence of Suboxone in my daily life is the gratification. The truth is I have zero desire to live the day to day of it. I suppose there are obvious lessons in walking through the taper as opposed to a sedated rapid detox that I dream about.
So grateful for my blog as an outlet. I wonder most hours of the day if I am the only one who is like this.
My final thought is that sobriety on a Friday night is a complete obstacle to climb all on it's own. My phone is not plugged in, so that I do not have to be faced with the choice.
I did a 1/2 pill this afternoon, and a 1/4 in the early evening. So this week altered between 1/2 and 3/4.
I think the most difficult thing I go through is guilt. The guilt I feel over everything I have done, and that I need to do something like this to become a 'normal' person, really drags me down.
I guess it is what it is, and since I can't fix the past it doesn't do me much good to stay in guilt. Finding a way to work that out would most likely eliminate a lot of 'symptoms' I am having. Maybe?
I want to do this really quickly. I made the decision to get off Suboxone almost 3 weeks ago. Part of my addict behavior is to require that instant gratification. In this case the absence of Suboxone in my daily life is the gratification. The truth is I have zero desire to live the day to day of it. I suppose there are obvious lessons in walking through the taper as opposed to a sedated rapid detox that I dream about.
So grateful for my blog as an outlet. I wonder most hours of the day if I am the only one who is like this.
My final thought is that sobriety on a Friday night is a complete obstacle to climb all on it's own. My phone is not plugged in, so that I do not have to be faced with the choice.
Day 19 Part One
I had using dreams last night. A rehab counselor once told me that having using dreams means we are purging the drugs from our minds. I am not sure if this is true. I'd love to find out more about that. The effect they have on me is that I seem to feel sad when I wake.
My first order of business was to see Dr. D. He asked me yesterday to come in for an extra session of hypnosis since I have been a bit off track the last few days.
Essentially this is where I wear blinking glasses, headphones, and he talks me into a conscious level. Then he can say things like, "I am realizing how much I want to be free of opiates", or "I will take good care of myself."
I am sorry that my explanation does it NO justice. What I can say is that it works. I highly recommend doing some research on this topic. Hypnosis for addiction, quitting smoking, weight loss, or whatever. Something about reconstructing our feelings and words to ourselves when our brain is at a consciousness in which it can be effected.
I know my Dr. has a success rate of above over 95% among thousands of patients.
Anyways, Day 19 started sad but took a hard right turn. I am still really struggling with my thoughts, depression, headaches, and anxiety, but I plan to go for a walk and spend a little time with family. I also plan to listen to the CD he burned for me from our session. I figure I have nothing to lose. I haven't taken my Suboxone yet. I plan to put it off as long as I can today. I am quite sure that is effecting my mood as well.
It's all about staying clean from street drugs another day, and continuing my taper off Suboxone.
My first order of business was to see Dr. D. He asked me yesterday to come in for an extra session of hypnosis since I have been a bit off track the last few days.
Essentially this is where I wear blinking glasses, headphones, and he talks me into a conscious level. Then he can say things like, "I am realizing how much I want to be free of opiates", or "I will take good care of myself."
I am sorry that my explanation does it NO justice. What I can say is that it works. I highly recommend doing some research on this topic. Hypnosis for addiction, quitting smoking, weight loss, or whatever. Something about reconstructing our feelings and words to ourselves when our brain is at a consciousness in which it can be effected.
I know my Dr. has a success rate of above over 95% among thousands of patients.
Anyways, Day 19 started sad but took a hard right turn. I am still really struggling with my thoughts, depression, headaches, and anxiety, but I plan to go for a walk and spend a little time with family. I also plan to listen to the CD he burned for me from our session. I figure I have nothing to lose. I haven't taken my Suboxone yet. I plan to put it off as long as I can today. I am quite sure that is effecting my mood as well.
It's all about staying clean from street drugs another day, and continuing my taper off Suboxone.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Day 18
I slept in late today. My first decision was coffee. My 2nd decision was to cancel my day and get back in bed.
Unfortunately for me, I made a commitment to model my eyes for a live web chat evaluation that my roommate needed to complete so she can start her new job.
Thank God for that hidden blessing because by the end of it I had decided not to cancel my appointment with Dr. D.
I decided on honesty being the best policy & let him know that my pill reduction from 3/4 to 1/2 was not going so well. I also admitted my overwhelming fear that my tapering is dangerously close to me being off of them for good.
We made 2 decisions.
1. My taper may be a bit fast, and to allow myself the flexibility of 1/2 or 3/4 for a few more days.
2. To give my medication to a family member for dispersement. This seemingly should have been an obvious move, but I say better late than never. The cheating temptation only became overpowering the last few days.
The decision to designate the pill control needed to be mine. Small victories...
LAstly I discussed my blog & the nervousness that comes w/ my candid experience, the fear of failure, & and the intense desire to reach out to suffering opiate addicts.
Dr. D. encouraged me to continue writing, and as you can see I've decided today to keep it going.
See ya on 19th day!
Unfortunately for me, I made a commitment to model my eyes for a live web chat evaluation that my roommate needed to complete so she can start her new job.
Thank God for that hidden blessing because by the end of it I had decided not to cancel my appointment with Dr. D.
I decided on honesty being the best policy & let him know that my pill reduction from 3/4 to 1/2 was not going so well. I also admitted my overwhelming fear that my tapering is dangerously close to me being off of them for good.
We made 2 decisions.
1. My taper may be a bit fast, and to allow myself the flexibility of 1/2 or 3/4 for a few more days.
2. To give my medication to a family member for dispersement. This seemingly should have been an obvious move, but I say better late than never. The cheating temptation only became overpowering the last few days.
The decision to designate the pill control needed to be mine. Small victories...
LAstly I discussed my blog & the nervousness that comes w/ my candid experience, the fear of failure, & and the intense desire to reach out to suffering opiate addicts.
Dr. D. encouraged me to continue writing, and as you can see I've decided today to keep it going.
See ya on 19th day!
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Day 17 Midday Check In
So far today is still going better than yesterday. This is my 3rd day taking half a pill. The one thing I hate is I have a headache that hurts worse than any one I have ever had before. I do not know if this is a withdrawal symptom. I plan to try to find out. Nothing will relieve it.
I also feel extremely run down today. I have zero energy and it's hard getting anything done.
Any comments about symptoms would be appreciated.
I also feel extremely run down today. I have zero energy and it's hard getting anything done.
Any comments about symptoms would be appreciated.
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