Our minds are a powerful thing. I am content in my decision to cold turkey the rest of the way as of Friday.
However, fear and doubt of myself consume my brain. Failure haunts me. Sobriety seems so out of reach. For the 18 months I have been on Suboxone, I considered myself 'sober'. As time has passed, knowledge has increased, and my moods dependence has relied on my medication I realize it is not 100% sobriety.
I still hold to the fact that Suboxone saved my life. Served as a gateway from heroin to freedom. Suboxone provided the time I needed to gain more mental stability. The counseling and medical attention I needed has further helped me along, and without the medication I doubt I would have made it this far.
I filled my 24th day with reading, walks, yoga, and writing. I spent time on a recovery forum networking with other drug addicts and opiate users. We are not alone.
Day 24 was hard and hopeful. I am sure the days ahead will be harder, but each day that passes I think a little more hope comes. Hope for freedom from the trap I loathe so much.
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